My Cat Lips Me Off

Brighton the pest. He's always into everything if he feels I'm not paying attention to him. I want to play Wii; he tries to knock stuff off the telephone table. I'm working on the laptop; he's got to walk across it. I'm watching a really good movie; he's got to bat knickknacks off the lamp shelf. If I ignore him, he'll get onto the entertainment unit right in front of the TV so that I can no longer see anything but my chubby feline.
Scolding him results in a look of disdain along with a breathy "Ka ka ka ka ka" sound. It doesn't have to be the Queen's English - I know what it means. Then he ignores me and does what he wants anyway. I can shoot him with water from my spray bottle if he's not near electronics, but his fur is so thick it usually takes a number of shots to get him to notice. He will leave for a minute, then return to the trouble he was getting into as if nothing's happened. He's incessant and has caused me to lose my temper so many times! Not that my anger does much good. After I've shoo'd him out of the room, screaming at him, he's back within 30 seconds rubbing against my legs, knowing I can't stay mad at him.


Sometimes when he wants me to notice him, he sits on the table and rises up on his back legs like a gopher. It's such a cute look that it's hard not to go over and give him a hug, but this is just his ploy. As I lean in, he claws his way over my shoulder and onto my back, at which point I'm stuck. He's a big boy - about 15lbs - and any sudden movements will result in him clinging to me like a stunt man to the hood of a car. The car doesn't scream in like I do. So I'm stuck, bent over, with a big ole purring furry lump on my back, until he gets bored and moves on.


His need to stand on me continues when I go to the kitchen. He leaps to the counter then demands my attention, refusing to take "no" for an answer. Like a couple of other cats, he will walk back & forth in front of my face while I'm doing the dishes. Nothing like a tail up the nose when your hands are full of soapy water. Many a time I've turned my back on him to read the paper only to have him crawl over my shoulder and into my arms. I have no choice but to hold him while he purrs. The cake-taker was when he attempted to stand (all 4 paws I might add) on my head. It didn't go well for either of us.

Soon it will be winter and we'll be warming the living room courtesy of our fireplace insert. We will have the wood bin open. He will try to get into it, something I discourage. I will tell him to get out of it and he will "Ka ka ka" me. I will be forced to physically remove him, and he will "Ka ka ka" me over his shoulder. No respect. Not a one.